


Wit Beyond Measure

by WhitePhoenix81



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:07:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29651775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhitePhoenix81/pseuds/WhitePhoenix81
Summary: Ravenclaws having an existential crisis. Slytherins just now realizing that everything they thought they knew is false. Hufflepuffs "trying" to stay out of everyone's way. And Gryffindor, they are just trying not to bust a gut.
Relationships: Fred Weasley/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 4





	1. A 'Wit" is a What

Wit Beyond Measure

Chapter 1

On September 1st 1993, in Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the sorting has just taken place, and Dumbledore stands to give his pre-feast speech.

"Welcome all new students and those returning, to a new-" Dumbledore says, but gets interrupted.

He looks out at the students, and sees a third year Gryffindor American transfer student, waving her arm in the air. Trying to get his attention.

"Yes my dear?" Dumbledore asks.

"I have something to say, and it needs to be said right now, or I might explode!" She yells.

Dumbledore looks at her with a penetrating stare, and after a long pause, he says, "Very well."

She stands up from her seat and walks to the front of the hall, amid mutterings and whispers.

She turns to face everyone and says, "As most of you are aware, each house has a motto. While reading through Hogwarts a History before the start of term, I came across each of the house's mottos. Ravenclaw's stuck out to me the most." She pauses to take a breath. And to give a dramatic pause. "Ravenclaw's motto is the following, 'Wit beyond measure is man's greatest pleasure.' To many, if not all of you, this is just a motto for the very intelligent. However, this was written about a thousand years ago, around the time of Shakespeare. And in Shakespearean English, Wit, is a euphemism. For a man's penis. Rowena Ravenclaw, has been trolling everybody, for the last thousand years." She finishes, all the while making hand gestures and leaning forward slightly, to make her point.

As soon as this third year, finished saying what she had to say, she walked back over to the Gryffindor table, and sat down.

Over at the Slytherin table, they are all looking at each other, in confusion, and dawning realization.

At the Gryffindor table, where the third year girl sits at, they are all laughing their heads off. Especially the Weasley Twins.

The Hufflepuffs aren't fairing to well themselves, as they are trying, and failing, to keep from laughing. It's coming across as barely restrained giggles. And as soon as they seem to get a grip on themselves, the laughing over at the Gryffindor table, gets one of the Hufflepuffs to snort, which sets them all off again.

Meanwhile, the Ravenclaw's are stuck between horror and disgust. 

The third year takes in all of the chaos that she has wrought, and smirks. She glances over at the Head table, and sees that the reactions are varied.

Professor McGonagall is frozen in a state of shock.

Dumbledore, once he had shaken himself out of his shock, giggles slightly to himself.

Snape looks disgusted, and pinches the bridge of his hook nose.

Professor Sprout is giggling right there with Dumbledore.

Most of the Professors are either in a state of shock, disgust, or giggling.

However, the two most notable reactions are Professors Flitwick and Lupin. They are rolling on the floor, laughing so hard they cannot breath.

The third year is pretty sure - that she can see, from where she sits - that their faces have gone beyond red, and have ventured into magenta's territory.

Professor Flitwick is clutching his side, exclaiming in between gasps, "I can't breath!"

While Professor Lupin is crossing his legs, hands on his crotch, somehow blending a laugh and a yell, "I'm gonna pee!"

Once, who the third year believes to be Fred and George Weasley, have composed themselves somewhat. They both stand up and march over to the Ravenclaw table, get on their knees, bow to the Ravenclaws, all the while exclaiming, "WE ARE NOT WORTHY!"

The majority of the Ravenclaws look like they want to hex them into oblivion. However that is not the case for one Luna Lovegood, who sits up straight, with a look on her face that says, "Finally, the recognition I deserve. Finally, someone got it."

Professor Dumbledore holds his wand aloft, and casts a spell that produces a sound like a cannon shot. Once he has everyone's attention, and everyone has stopped laughing, and Fred and George Weasley - because yes they are in fact the infamous Terror Twins like she suspected - begins to speak. "Now as I was saying. Welcome everyone to a new year. As I'm sure many of you have seen upon your arrival, we are playing host to the dementors this year."

!!!!!!!!!!

The next day as everyone is at breakfast, Fred and George walk over and sit on either side of the third year girl, who had caused so much chaos last night. 

"What you did," Fred said.

"Last night," George continued.

"Was brilliant."

"We saw you,"

"Smirking,"

"With that mischievous,"

"Look in your eyes."

"This means war." Fred and George finished together, while smirking down at her.

"I have won this battle. And I WILL win the war." She smirks up at them."After all, it wouldn't do to have the granddaughter of Zonko, out down by a couple of beginner pranksters." She then stands up and walks to her first class. Leaving looks of shock and awe on the Twins faces.

"Wait! What's your name?!" Fred yells.

She giggles, "That is for me to know, and you to find out."

As Fred watches her leave the hall, George comes up next to him.

"Georgie, I think I'm in love." Fred whispers.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Wait. Did she say the granddaughter of Zonko?!"


	2. The Chase Begins

Chapter 2

For a week after that, Fred has been following the third year girl, trying to corner her. After a week into the school year, Fred is just about ready to give up on ever talking to her. This girl has been dodging him, George, and they even got Lee Jordan in on it, but she always manages to slip away, with a sly smirk and a wink in his direction.

Fred is in the library, doing Transfiguration homework, when he hears someone pull out the chair across from him, and sits down. Thinking that it's George, who had gone to grab a book from the depths of the library.

“Found that book for transfigurations then did you?” Fred asks.

“Wow. You’ve been stalking me for a week, and I don’t even get a hello?”

Fred snaps his head up at the voice. It’s her. As this girl, who he still doesn’t know the name of, sits in front of him, without a care in the world. 

“So tell me Mr. Weasley, why have you been stalking me?” she asks.

“I haven’t been - well you been - okay, so I’ve been stalking you a little bit. But it's your own fault.” Fred stammers over his words. Which really, is very unlike him.

“My fault,” she gasps, placing a hand over her chest, “how is it my fault?”

“You’ve been dodging me! I just wanted to talk to you, and you’ve been avoiding me!”

“Shhhhhh!” Madam Pince shushes him.

“Why won’t you just talk to me?” Fred asks much quieter this time.

“Why do you want to talk to me?” she fires back.

“I asked you first.”

She chuckles slightly under her breath, “It's not that I've been avoiding you perse. It's that I want to see, just how committed you are to get your answers.” She says with a curious look.

“I just want to know who you are.” Fred tells her.

“Like I told you. That is for me to know, and you to find out.” She says. Fred huffs at her in frustration. 

“Alright,” she sighs, “i’ll make you a deal. If you can manage to successfully pull a prank on me, I will tell you my name.”

Fred looks at her. Wondering if she means it, or if she is just pulling his leg. “Deal.” Fred says, holding out his hand to shake. 

Upon shaking hands, she stands and saunters away, curly black hair swinging behind her. She calls over her shoulders, “Let the war, begin.”

After she leaves the library, George finally shows up with the book they need for class.

“What happened?” George asks upon seeing the grin on Fred’s face.

“We’ve just been presented with a challenge, Georgie.” Freed says, with his ever present grin growing by the second.

!!!!!

A month later, Fred and George realize that pranking this girl was going to be much more difficult than they had first thought. They weren’t used to a difficult target. So far, she had managed to evade every single one of their pranks. In fact, she has taken their pranks, used them against themselves, and on others as well.

They’ve tried slipping one of their candied pranks in her pocket. Sure they got it into her backpack, but instead of her being the one to eat it, she instead gave it to Dumbledore. After she had put it into his candy dish in his office. How she got in there, neither knew. Then, after a couple weeks had gone by, they observed that she was always the first one out of her classes. So, while they were in History of Magic class, they snuck out, they had gone down to the dungeons where she was in potions, and placed a spell on the classroom door, that the first person to walk out of the room would have gravity switched on them, and they would be stuck on the ceiling.

It did not go as planned. 

They didn’t take into account that they had pulled a prank on a Slytherin, in order to escape History class. So She wasn’t the first one out of the classroom after they placed the spell. Snape was. And Snape was hanging upside down on the ceiling, looking like a giant bat. She stood in the doorway, smirking at where the twins were hiding, with the other students standing around her, gawking up at Snape.

“I’ll go get Professor McGonagall!” She says, with a worried look on her face. As she is rushing past, she stops just around the corner to look into Fred and George’s hiding spot, to smirk at them and then whisper, “Better luck next noobs.”


End file.
